The Not-So-Secret Bolognese Lasagna

For the Bolognese Sauce:

• 450 grams ground beef (the muscle that keeps you on your toes)

• 225 grams Italian sausage (to add some spicy sass)

• 1 onion, finely chopped (like a secret code whispered in the shadows)

• 2 cloves of garlic, minced (to ward off any suspicious characters)

• 1 carrot, finely chopped (for a touch of sweetness in this treacherous world)

• 1 celery stalk, finely chopped (because even mobsters need their greens)

• 400 grams crushed tomatoes (to bring the saucy side of the streets)

• 170 grams tomato paste (for thickening the plot)

• 120 ml red wine (optional, but hey, we're living on the edge here)

• 1/2 teaspoon dried basil (to add a sprinkle of mobster charm)

• 1/2 teaspoon dried oregano (because even mobsters enjoy some herb)

• Salt and pepper to taste (to season it with some real mobster flavor)

For the Lasagna:

• 9 lasagne noodles (the perfect hiding place for all that saucy goodness)

• 200 grams shredded mozzarella cheese (to melt away your troubles)

• 100 grams grated Parmesan cheese (because even mobsters appreciate a touch of class)

• Fresh basil leaves for garnish (for a hint of redemption in this crooked world)

Find a safe hideout, preferably a cozy kitchen with no windows, where you can cook your way out of trouble. Don't forget to look over your shoulder!

1. In a large skillet, heat up your nerves and add the ground beef and Italian sausage. Cook them until they're browned and ready to face any interrogation. Drain any excess grease like you're leaving no trace.

2. Stir in the finely chopped onion, minced garlic, carrot, and celery. Saute them until they're as soft and cooperative as a stool pigeon.

3. Now it's time to add the crushed tomatoes and tomato paste. Mix them in like you're covering up a crime scene. If you're feeling extra daring, pour in that red wine, but be careful not to leave any incriminating evidence behind.

4. Sprinkle in the dried basil, dried oregano, and season with salt and pepper to taste. Let it all simmer together like a gang plotting their next big heist.

5. While your sauce simmers, cook the lasagne noodles according to the package instructions. We're talking al dente here, not too soft, just like a getaway driver who knows the city like the back of his hand.

6. Grab a baking dish and start layering like you're building a criminal empire. Spread a layer of the saucy bolognese goodness on the bottom, then add a layer of lasagne noodles. Repeat this process until you've used up all your ingredients, ending with a layer of sauce on top.

7. Sprinkle on the shredded mozzarella cheese like you're covering up the truth, and don't forget to top it off with the grated Parmesan cheese for that touch of mobster sophistication.

8. Preheat the oven to 190°C (375°F), and carefully place your lasagna in its hiding spot. Bake it for about 25-30 minutes, or until the cheese is melted and bubbly, just like your alibi.

9. Remove the lasagna from the oven, and let it cool off for a few minutes. Garnish it with fresh basil leaves to give it a hint of redemption, even in the darkest corners of the mobster world.

10. Now it's time to enjoy the fruits of your labor. Slice into that not-so-secret bolognese lasagna, savor each bite, and remember, in this game, loyalty is everything. So gather your trusted associates, and dig in together like the mob family you are.

11. And there you have it, "The Not-So-Secret Bolognese Lasagna: A Mobster's Hideout Delight." It may not erase your past, but it'll surely make you forget your troubles for a little while. So eat up, laugh heartily, and keep an eye out for those pesky coppers. After all, in this world, even a delicious lasagna can't hide all your secrets!